Trusting the Process

It’s easy to have faith when everything is going great.  It’s easy to recognize your manifestations and dreams coming to fruition when it’s all positive.  But when things get a little dark, do you lose hope?  Do you start to doubt yourself in times of trouble?

I have felt like I was walking fast on a people mover for the last several years.  You know, the kind you see at the airport.  Some people choose not to get on them at all.  Others get on them and stand, moving even slower than the people who are walking.  But, if you get on them and walk, you get to where you are going much faster.  Who is to say which option is better, but I’m definitely one of the people who walks on them.  I digress.

In my recent past, I have experienced many of my deepest dreams and desires coming true.  I met an amazing man who I travelled to foreign countries with, where he pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him.  We married, found the home of our dreams, bought it and moved in (all in the same month).  I started following my passion by teaching more and more and working in the office less and less.  I attended workshops, retreats, sacred circles.  I felt I had a handle on it all.  Life was blissful and I deserved it.  Earned it, even.

And then life handed me a challenge.   The challenge contained seeds.  The seeds were those of doubt, negativity, scarcity, jealousy, and insecurity.  And while I did my best to hold the seeds in my hand, like sand, a few fell into the soil of my subconscious and sprouted.  And, I, in turn, proceeded to water them.  I began to doubt everything I knew to be true in my heart, just weeks prior.  I began to doubt all I had learned on my journey, everything I considered sacred.

My first instinct was to retreat, to hide, so no one would discover what a fraud I was.  Exhausted, I dragged myself to a yoga class at Just Be Yoga, where a few years before, I had completed my teacher training.  It was one of those classes where, at the end, you can’t recall exactly what happened, but whatever happened was magical.

I remembered something my teacher and friend Jenni once told me, “We must face the light and leave the shadows behind.”  Simple, yet profound.  From that moment, on, I decided to face the light again and EVERYTHING shifted.

Looking back, I can see the seeds I had been handed were watered by my wavering faith.  But my path was progressing exactly the way it was meant to.  And that doesn’t always look the way we think it will or think we want it to.  So, I take a deep breath and trust.