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It’s easy to have faith when everything is going great.  It’s easy to recognize your manifestations and dreams coming to fruition when it’s all positive.  But when things get a little dark, do you lose hope?  Do you start to doubt yourself in times of trouble?

I have felt like I was walking fast on a people mover for the last several years.  You know, the kind you see at the airport.  Some people choose not to get on them at all.  Others get on them and stand, moving even slower than the people who are walking.  But, if you get on them and walk, you get to where you are going much faster.  Who is to say which option is better, but I’m definitely one of the people who walks on them.  I digress.

In my recent past, I have experienced many of my deepest dreams and desires coming true.  I met an amazing man who I travelled to foreign countries with, where he pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him.  We married, found the home of our dreams, bought it and moved in (all in the same month).  I started following my passion by teaching more and more and working in the office less and less.  I attended workshops, retreats, sacred circles.  I felt I had a handle on it all.  Life was blissful and I deserved it.  Earned it, even.

And then life handed me a challenge.   The challenge contained seeds.  The seeds were those of doubt, negativity, scarcity, jealousy, and insecurity.  And while I did my best to hold the seeds in my hand, like sand, a few fell into the soil of my subconscious and sprouted.  And, I, in turn, proceeded to water them.  I began to doubt everything I knew to be true in my heart, just weeks prior.  I began to doubt all I had learned on my journey, everything I considered sacred.

My first instinct was to retreat, to hide, so no one would discover what a fraud I was.  Exhausted, I dragged myself to a yoga class at Just Be Yoga, where a few years before, I had completed my teacher training.  It was one of those classes where, at the end, you can’t recall exactly what happened, but whatever happened was magical.

I remembered something my teacher and friend Jenni once told me, “We must face the light and leave the shadows behind.”  Simple, yet profound.  From that moment, on, I decided to face the light again and EVERYTHING shifted.

Looking back, I can see the seeds I had been handed were watered by my wavering faith.  But my path was progressing exactly the way it was meant to.  And that doesn’t always look the way we think it will or think we want it to.  So, I take a deep breath and trust.

I recently joined a Facebook group for my middle school.  I’ll be honest, middle school was tough for me. Those were some lonely years, mostly because I was bullied.  There were a few people who made my life hell, and those people had followers.  I was excluded, outcast, yelled at, called names, surrounded and shoved around at the bus stop, and in general I felt like I was a complete and total loser.  This was roughly 1980, BEFORE social media existed, thankfully.  I can’t imagine the amount of anguish victims of bullying must feel these days.  At least I could escape it at home.

There were days when I waited until everyone left school before walking home because I was afraid I would be assaulted. I cried a LOT. I lived across the street from Rochambeau Playground in San Francisco and I would watch from my living room window as kids gathered after school, wishing to be included.  Once in a while I would join in the community “hootenanny” at the rec center there.  Of course, none of the “cool kids” would be caught dead attending an event with a bunch of adults playing music and singing folk songs.  But, I could join in the singing and there was usually spaghetti, which I liked very much.

A few people showed kindness to me despite my social standing.  The tiniest bit of compassion from anyone meant the world to me.  Eventually, in the last year of middle school, I was accepted into a group of nice girls and had people to eat lunch with.  Occasionally, I would even receive an invite for a party or a sleepover.  I was thankful when, in the 9th grade, we moved across the bay to Oakland, where no one knew me, and I could start over.

It was with great hesitation that I joined the Facebook group, and did so mostly out of curiosity.  At first I pretended to be just like them, writing about memories of Famolares, Dittos jeans, Members Only Jackets and LeSportSac purses.  Each time I did so, I noticed it didn’t feel good and it would bring back feelings of “yuck.”  I finally decided to share my own experience with the group and I ended by offering forgiveness.  I felt a sense of relief and peace as I signed off.  And, there was something else I felt…healing.  The response notifications were immediate.  Many people reached out to share their own experiences, show empathy, apologize.

I did (and once in a while still do) battle feelings/fear/assumptions of not being liked or not being good enough.  However, I have come a long way and, through yoga, I have learned to be compassionate towards myself, to trust, and to actually believe people when they say they love me.

Today, I love practicing and teaching yoga, I raised an amazing strong, compassionate, sweet and kind young man, and have a wonderful, kind, loving generous husband. I have AMAZING friends. I’m living a life full of beautiful blessings. I found a life of love and compassion, thanks in part to those who showed kindness and compassion to me when I needed it most.

If I have ever hurt anyone, knowingly or unknowingly, I ask for your forgiveness.  I will end this post by asking that everyone go out and do something nice for a stranger today. No, not just today…every day!  You never know what someone is going through. The tiniest bit of kindness can make a difference.  Smile and say hello, open a door, hold the elevator, look for opportunities to practice kindness. Whenever possible. It’s always possible. Thanks for reading. ❤

Gratitude was the theme of the first class I ever taught; it is fitting that it be the theme of my very first blog post ever.

Yesterday, I reached out to my dear friend Maris and asked her if she would help me set up a website.  Today, as I was standing in a very long line at the grocery store, I received an email from her with a link to the preview of this site.  As I scrolled through the pictures and paragraphs she put together, I felt a tightness in my throat and right there in line, I started to cry tears of gratitude.  There are so many people I have to thank who have helped me get to this point in my life.

Maris, thank you for being my mat mate, for always practicing next to me in the beginning of our journeys together, and for putting together this amazing site.  Alina, thank you for capturing these images!  To my teachers (in no particular order) – Jessica, Jenni, Malia, Dana, Nicole, Suzanne, thank you for the lessons, your friendship and sharing your teachings with me.  And, finally, to the friends and family in my soulpod. Your support, patience, humor and love are just the best gifts.  I am constantly inspired by all of you.

Taking pause to be grateful for even the little things can change your perspective and make you a happier person.  It’s one of the most important steps in manifesting your dreams.  It improves health, relationships and enhances empathy.  Don’t wait for Thanksgiving to come around – gratitude isn’t an attitude, it’s a practice.  Tell someone you are grateful for them or just think of one thing in your life you are grateful for today!

Be well,

Melissa